SCENE I: HI I AM A, I LOVE EVANESCENCE
B (Mid 20s), usually sharp and fast-talking, adopts A’s dissociative rhythm towards the end.
A (Early 30s), usually flat and still, adopts B’s pacing towards the end.
COSTUMES:
Both A and B wear vertical-striped blue-and-white cotton pajamas. They look like luxury leisurewear at times and institutional uniform or clinical vestments at times.
A and B step into each other's physical spaces, playing with the oversaturated headlights and hard shadows, and occupying the spots the other just left, sometimes blurring who is standing where.
B
How was it blackouts?
A
It was a long manic episode.
B
And what you had in February... was it Chlamydia?
A
No. I wasn't seeing anyone then.
(A beat. B absorbs it: if A knows he wasn't seeing anyone in February, he knew exactly when he started seeing people later.)
A
I wasn't in my right mind, is all. Everything now is very blurry. I'm just trying to cling to a truth.
B
I still can't sleep. I haven't slept in days. I sit there looking at our chats like a maniac.
(Pauses, stepping closer into A's shadow)
B
I tried to understand everything. I told myself we're not that far off... that the day I left you, I downloaded all these apps and went to all these places looking for.. things...
I understood the urge and the rush.
A
(monotonous)
I'm not sure who I am anymore. I don't know if I love my family. I don't know if I love my friends.
B
(tries to ground him)
You do. I saw it firsthand. Think about what you did for them. You were in the middle of your work day and 'spiral,' and you left to go to S’s marathon with custom t-shirts that you made. You love them.
(They sit in heavy, unmoving silence for several seconds. B goes to sit in the chair beside A, looking at the floor between them.)
B
My brain is trying to paint a picture of you as a monster. And I’m not sure if it is that way... Did you ever want to hurt me?
A
I don't know.
B
Then why did you do this to me... out of all the people in your life?
A
I'll be waiting to have to meet you again.
B
Maybe extended until you come back.
A
I'm taking brave steps. I'm doing things... I'm applying for therapy. But it’s hard being where I am. It’s hard being in my house, in my family’s street, with your essence all over it.
B
That essence never stopped you.
(Silence.)
B
I hope things become better. I feel optimistic... about how life will unfold next. You need to gear up for therapy, though. It’s going to be hard. It will make you realize—
A
(Interrupting, cutting clean)
Let me go on this journey alone.
B
Why did you never signal that something wrong was happening?
A
I don't know.
(A turns his head slowly toward B)
B
How do I know I wasn't one of your social experiments? If we built all this on a lie?
BOTH
(A broken laugh)
Maybe it was. But I'll believe anything I'm told now, cause my reality is shaken.
(Beat)
I want to see you.
A
Msh hayenfa3.
B
We had a deal.
A
I know. And we also had a deal of no contact that you broke four times now.
B
I know you have drinks now... but try to do it in moderation.
A
No, I don't. Why did you think that? I am not even—
B
I'm sorry.
(Quietly)
If it's easier on you to gather my stuff that I left at your place and throw it away...
A
I already did.
(They laugh)
B
I am hopeful... that some day, I can meet you. And be able to see you, really—who you actually are—and love you.
(A stays silent.)
B
I won't be waiting for you in the sense of... eedy 3la khady... but I will wait.
A
Are you doing this because you honor the companionship, or because you want to accelerate your healing?
B
I don't know. If it was that way, I would have slandered your shit and blocked you everywhere. But this is harder. And I want to do it.
(A long two-minute pause. The lights dim slightly. Neither moves.)
B
I am sitting with a version of me that I know wasn't that way before. I'm trying to make sense that this me is me... and that it came out of love. But I changed because of you.
A
I apologize. I can't tell you anything... I wasn't the best. Even when I was there.
B
No, no. But I feel I became a better person. You made me see patterns I couldn't see... but you made me comfortable in your shadow.
A
I went out of my way with you as well.
B
Me too.
A
And I always asked you to stop.
B
I couldn't.
(Beat)
B
Do you remember we proposed to each other?
BOTH
I do.
B
I know there were lots of substances involved that day w kol da... but I'm trying to honor the vows we had for each other. That maybe through all this, something is true. I still feel the love I had for you in my bones. I needed to hear your voice to be reminded of it.
A
(Softening slightly)
I don't know what to tell you. I love you too. I know that for a fact.
B
When would you love to meet again?
A
Not sure...
(Pause)
Are you at the beach?
B
Yeah. Would you love to tell something to the sea? A secret maybe, and have it carry it with it?
(B laughs softly. A is dead silent)
I'm sorry.
A
So you live by the sea... I never knew.
B
Yeah. Ana owner w mota7 mo3ayna bas hatdtar tadkhol tshoof el sha2a w el nas a3da lel asaf...
A
I can't be making jokes now.
B
I understand. I am sorry.
(A long pause. The lights now isolate A in a single pool of overhead glare.)
A
Hi. I am A. I love Evanescence. What do you think of them?
B
I'm not sure. I look at my on-repeat playlist and it's only things I used to play to my coworkers. I'll have to rediscover what music I actually like. But Fallen is a brilliant album. Commercially.
A
Yeah. You have to hear Sanctuary... it's very similar.
B
Yeah, I've seen "Who Will You Follow"... it's very similar to "Bring Me To Life"...
A
Yeah, yeah... it's also very spiritual.
B
(Interrupting)
Do you know We Are The Fallen?
A
Yeah. What do you think of them?
B
Lively. My opinion shifts... between thinking it's a boss move that they brought someone who looks and sounds like her to tell her, "You are just a voice that can be replaced, you are not the artist you think you are"... and thinking it's like when an ex can't move on, so they keep dating people who look like their ex.
A
It's a bummer if they see her as a boss even... I've been playing "Bring Me To Life" and "Who Will You Follow" and all this, realizing how old and new she just plagiarized Christian music...
B
Not only that. It's deeply political.
A
Political???
B
How it is to live in a post-colonial, individualistic, capitalistic 21st century... waiting for someone to rescue you...
A
Damn.
B
(Teasingly)
How it’s only about feminist theory. A woman waiting for a man to rescue her. How patriarchal dynamics, while so fragile, become so ingrained in the mind. Even though she doesn't really need him, she calls out to him, waiting for him to save her. She’s in her room, almost ending her life because this person isn't there... but what does he offer? The very system that makes women believe having a man by their side is what will save them... keeping her from seeing she can save herself.
(A beat. Both freeze.)
A
Damn. Again.
(Silence)
B
I know when I hang up, we won't talk again.
A
Most likely.
B
I want you to draw the boundaries this time. I laid no contact. What do you call this time?
A
I already did them in this call. And you broke them.
B
(Snapping instantly into defense, voice rising)
What do you mean?
A
Nothing.
B
(Rapid)
Okay... just say. I am not angry wallahi, just trying to understand.
A
It won't matter.
B
Okay. Sorry.
(Pause)
You've arrived home, sa7?
A
Yeah... I am parking. I'm not sure how... I feel like I just hopped in the car...
B
Then eshta... we agreed we'll call each other in emergencies. I feel this was an emergency, no?
A
It was?
B
It was to me.
(Pause)
I am here if you need anything.
A
It's getting late and I have work tomorrow. It's 1 AM.
B
I know, I know. But I won't call you for a bit. Tell me when you wake up... what you need...
A
Okay.
B
I love you. I always have.
A
(Voice breakin)
Me too.
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